FOR PROPHETS AND APOSTLES
But something has been troubling me lately. I cannot shake it. It is this whole idea of being a Professional Church Guy. The part that has me really afraid is not "Can I pay the bills this month" but rather, "I'm paying the bills by peddling the Gospel." I'm scared of that. Socrates thought the sophists were little more than prostitutes because they offered wisdom for money. Jesus told the Apostles in Matthew 10:8, "Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give."
Me. Yesterday.
I hate being fat. I've been fat for most of my life, pretty much since the third grade when I found out that I had aesthma. I let that little factoid become an evolving excuse why I couldn't, just couldn't! do this or that active thing.
The lazier and fatter I got, the more I relied on my own excuses why I should not have to do active, fun things with active, fun people.
Excuses only last for so long. Sometimes they do not work at all. And when that happens, now completely out of shape, I would be forced into situations where I had to be active, fun, and athletic. And of course I was just embarrassed by my inability and failure. No one wants to be embarrassed like that, so I withdrew further.
Embarrassment turned into fears, all sorts of fears, especially that common fear of failure.
And I liked those fears, because they kept me from those things that I thought were demanding far too much from me. I was not running from God, I just was running from... running. I feared demanding things because I did not know if I truly had what it takes.
